DISAGREEMENT IN THE FAMILY: CREMATION OR BURIAL FOR YOUR LOVED ONE?
Situation: your spouse dies, and you want to cremate her remains. But, her parents are against it. What happens?
Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon scenario. In fact, it’s not unusual at all for a spouse to disagree with the in-laws’ wishes. Here at Davis-Struempf Funeral Home & Crematory in Hiram, GA, we deal with hundreds of families every year and many of them are in this sort of stand-off.
Inherently, most of us hear of a circumstance such as this and think, why can’t they find a way to agree on a decision? There’s a lot going on in family dynamics—especially when emotions are raw and hurting. For the parents of the deceased, their perspective is that they are fighting the last fight for their child. For the spouse, he or she is preparing to say farewell in the most appropriate way.
Who’s right, here?
This question plagues thousands of families. The key, though, is that this is not a Right or Wrong scenario at all. It is not for one family member to think that the other can or can not qualify enough to make a decision on behalf of the deceased. “I knew him/her better, or longer, or most” is not a factor here. Measurements in this manner are, truthfully, irrelevant.
A death has occurred, and everyone is wrought with memories and what-ifs, future plans that have been eliminated from the calendar, conversations that can not be had… it’s horrible for everyone. And, fighting about what to do will only play-out as an unfortunate distraction from what matters most: honoring your loved one.
Compromising is easier said than done, I know. But, trust me when I say to you, try to find a compromise. In all my years in the death care industry, these are the best tokens of advice I can offer you in during this grief-filled and hectic process:
- Be respectful. No one wants to hurt each other, but defensiveness and grief have a way of yielding harsh words. Do your best to really hear the other parties and their wishes.
- Give your “why” transparently. If you had a conversation about final arrangements with your deceased loved one, share it calmly and as detailed as you can remember. This helps foster conversation about what was wanted by the deceased before he or she passed.
- Discuss “both, and” instead of “either, or.” If a burial or wake is what the other family members want, and you want to opt for cremation, consider combining all of these services for a unique tribute. You can have a wake, a cremation, and burial of the remains. Perhaps this compromise will put the argument to rest and foster connection between everyone.
If you need cremation service in Hiram, GA and assistance in navigating this difficult time, please call our experienced professionals here at Davis-Struempf Funeral Home & Crematory. It is our job to help you and your family members create the most unique and fitting final services for your loved one—that the whole family can feel comfortable with. Call us today.
Davis-Struempf Funeral Home & Crematory | 1975 East-West Connector | Austell, GA 30106 | 770.944.2900
